I want to introduce you to a wonderful practice for cultivating self-compassion that builds on what we’ve covered so far. It’s a great one to have in your repertoire and use frequently. In fact, I strongly recommend coming back and practicing this exercise at least a few times as you work your way through the course. I’ll briefly explain the RAIN acronym here, and then guide you through a practice exercise. Once you have it down, you can quickly work through the steps on your own whenever you need it.

Here are the 4 steps:

R: Recognize what’s going on

A: Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

I: Investigate with kindness

N: Nurture with self-compassion 

RECOGNIZE WHAT’S GOING ON

Recognizing means noticing and acknowledging the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that are impacting us in this moment. It’s “waking up” to the story we may be stuck in. It’s finding words for the thoughts and emotions we’re experiencing. Ask yourself, “What’s here now? What’s going on?” and try naming the thoughts or emotions. For example, “Ok, I’m feeling frustrated about what just happened,” or “I’m noticing some deep sadness,” or “There’s that story of ‘I’m not smart enough.’”

ALLOW THE EXPERIENCE TO BE THERE, JUST AS IT IS

Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, and sensations we’re experiencing simply be there, without pushing them away or trying to fix or avoid them. If you’re noticing some self-critical thoughts, it doesn’t mean agreeing with them; just acknowledging the reality of what’s there. It’s normal to not want to feel distress, but see if it’s possible to make room for any of these uncomfortable thoughts or feelings. You can experiment with mentally whispering words like, “It’s OK,” “Yes,” “Allowing,” “Welcome.”

INVESTIGATE WITH KINDNESS

Investigating means bringing a kind and curious attention to what you’re experiencing. How does this feel in your body? Spend a few moments really paying attention to the felt experience. What inside of you most wants attention? You’re not “analyzing” yourself here; just giving a soft, gentle attention to your present experience, not judging what’s there. It’s seeing that tender part of you that’s been ignored and letting it know that you see it and you care about what’s there.  Investigating with kindness transitions to the next step of nurturing by asking: “What do I really need right now?” 

NURTURE WITH SELF-COMPASSION

Nurturing means being willing to give yourself what you really need right now. Sensing into what that vulnerable, anxious, tender place inside you needs most, offer some kind gesture or caring, supportive words. Does that place inside of you need reassurance? Acceptance? Forgiveness? Love? Companionship? Experiment with different gestures and phrases depending on what you sense is really needed. You can mentally whisper supportive phrases to yourself like, “I’m here for you,” “I love you,” “I’m sorry this is so hard,” “It’s not your fault,” “I know you’re doing your best,” “You are stronger than you know.” If it’s too difficult to receive these phrases from yourself, bring in your Compassionate Benefactor from the previous lesson and see if that can soften the experience. Physical gestures can be surprisingly helpful, such as placing one or both hands on your heart, or a hand on your cheek.

When you’ve completed the steps of RAIN, it’s important to notice how your relationship with the challenging experience has changed. You’re likely to notice a slight shift in perspective--that it’s possible to observe the experience from a step removed, instead of being completely absorbed in it or identified with it. This is a fruit of RAIN - the Non-identification with challenging experiences. With practice, you can use these steps to more quickly break out of the “trance” of discouragement and self-criticism.

Now, do the following guided practice: